The only way to release what I have going on inside is to spell it all out.
To somehow put into words the numbness I now feel. The sheer rejection I’ve tried so hard to avoid, yet I knew would only be a matter of time.
Time. That’s all you really need to love someone, but it takes a lot more to be IN love with someone. All the fuzzy butterflies you get, the memories…
My mind found comfort in knowing that maybe, just maybe there was a possibility of love. The real kind. You know, the type where there are no more secrets, no hiding and the rest of that sissified junk they sell you in movies.
That isn’t the life for me.
I believe I’m destined to walk alone. To hold my own hand and build myself up. To make myself the best possible version of Myunique I can be.
Still, I wonder what’d it be like if, and only if, I wasn’t always alone. To actually find that person I can’t live with but can’t live without. A best friend first, and everything else just seems to fall into place. Without words. Without silly games. The type of thing where you don’t even have to ask, your hearts just know.
Know that they were meant for each other. That deep down inside you were drawn together for a purpose. For life.
Maybe I’m just a silly girl, with silly dreams. And perhaps there’s no one out there who could ever love me beyond brotherly/charity love or maybe I’m just mindlessly (and foolishly) seeking it from the wrong place.
Maybe, just maybe, he just hasn’t found me yet. He’s somewhere off on another blog crooning for me too. Yes, a song so soft and gentle that if only I could quiet the beating of my aching heart, I’d hear it. Just as plain as day.