Random

Let Me Waste a Little Bit of Your Time

Science says that you officially become an adult at 25. You start making better choices and you’re fully matured… or something. I guess that’s why you get a drastic discount on your insurance. That discount was actually the whole reason I was looking forward to turning 25. I’m serious.

Anyways, I’m at a weird stage in my life and I have to say that I’ve learned a lot about myself this past year. I’ve learned what it’s like to be self-sufficient. The freedom that comes along with being your own boss and doing things just because you want to do them.

It’s all been one constant uphill battle.

I’m not a kid anymore.

I’m not this super-wise and all knowing Master that just seems to know everything, either.

I’m just a girl who has found a couple of things she’s good at and explores options. I have to say that I thought by now my life would be a lot different. I wanted to be married at 18, kids at 20 and living the rest of my life surrounded by family. My reality is that I’m single, I haven’t spoken to my mother in a couple of months now, I have three cats and I teach. True, I have accomplished some things and checked off some goals, and I would be lying if I said my life is empty. I think that’s the part that gets me.

I’m actually really content right now.

My psychiatrists says that she thinks that I should at least date because it might be good for me. Maybe it would get me out of my own head.

But I like it here.

Being on your own, you experience certain liberties that I think a lot of people take for granted. Like actually having the time to learn yourself and see other people for what they are.

Just looking back on the last two years of my life, I have to say I would have NEVER guessed I would end up here. Two years ago I was living with my mother, a I temporary job that paid me just enough money to keep gas in the car I’d gotten with a school refund check, and doing just enough ministry time to stay active.

That was my life.

I was so depressed I wanted to just end it all. I sent my cousin a text that read “I’m done.” and I kid you not, she was pulling up outside within ten minutes. She kept me going.

Kept me praying.

Then, my prayers starting getting more specific.

I started relying more on God and his promises. He told me it was time.

He became my strength.

When I think about how everything changed, it burns. It fills my heart with so much praise because I honestly feel delivered from that.

 

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