I don’t really think a lot of people understand.

I try to make it as simple as I can but still their vision is clouded by their own judgement.

For years I spent my life trapped inside of a fantasy based on how I felt my life should be, and although I’ve overcome that stage of life, I have also realized that the more things change the more they stay the same. 

Things were a lot simpler when I could just write for a living. Didn’t have to work out of necessity but instead out of boredom. Granted, life is a lot better for me now, more stable, if you dare to call it that, but still it gets a little dark up here sometimes.

From the outside looking in, I think people assume I have it all together, and for a while, I’ve allowed that foolish line of thought.

No one has it all together.

We’re all just trying to play the cards we were dealt. Some of us mastered the art of bluffing until everyone else folds.

I don’t really expect people to understand.

I try to be the girl I’ve always imagined I was. The one in my head that went out and did things. Lived life.

Loved.

Was loved in return.

Well, I’m 2 for 4. I believe going out and accomplishing things for myself has really only made things different. I’m not saying harder. Just different. Strange, even. I don’t exactly find myself impressed by a lot.

Maybe that makes me hard to reach. Somewhere down the line I caught the “I can do it myself” virus.

That’s what I want you to believe.

Deep down, I don’t really want people to understand.