I really believe I have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for: one that makes me laugh until my side hurts, another that gives me the best relationship advice, one that keeps me focused, etc. I’m not the most social person, so I can count the people that really know me well enough to be called a good friend on one hand. For this, I consider myself a lucky girl.

Now, I’ve talked at length about one of my friends and I feel that after what has happened this past weekend it’s time I shed a little light on the ‘backbone’ of my friends list. The reason I call him that is because he keeps me together; keeps me afloat when I feel like I’m sinking and I may say a lot of things about him but at the end of the day I always know he has my back. He was actually close to being my husband too, and the more  I think about it, the more I can imagine the life I once thought I didn’t want with him.

He continues to be the only person I can call at 3 in the morning and will actually be excited to pick up the phone and talk to me until I fall asleep. He’ll move heaven and earth to make sure  I have what I need and even things that I want. He’s like my own Superman. He makes me feel good about being who I am and would rather see me walk around with my hair all over my head than wear extensions. When I’m around him, I feel beautiful. Wanted. Accepted. Not just the woman on the outside, but the girl still struggling to find herself on the inside.

I’ll be the first to say I have commitment issues. The mere thought of which makes me break out in hives. Maybe I shy away from him because I’m scared he’ll break down the walls  I’ve built; infiltrate and disband my emotional defenses. But then again, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it; the complete love and trust of someone. I don’t even trust myself. He deserves more than I give him credit for.