I’ve worked hard to turn my heart into stone. Went to all the classes, participated in the meetings, studied my lessons. So why am I feeling? And why does it hurt?
It started with this crazy dream I had last night and after having it, I woke up with a range of new feelings I never thought I had about a friend of mine. What’s even crazier is that the more I thought about it, the more it’s all I really wanted to think about.
The drive to class, the class, the drive home, I just thought about that crazy dream and these odd feelings. Like I’ve been poisoned or something. I thought about it until I was forced to face these 3 simple facts:
1) I want something I can’t have.
2) The more I can’t have it, the more I want it.
3) The thing I long for most is his touch.
But I just think he personified the feeling. It wasn’t exactly geared towards him in particular. That’d just be weird. Either way, it has me super confused and unsure what to think. Maybe another nights rest will clear this up.
Now, something good came from all of this. I’ve started writing a new young adult book with the working title: The Undoing. So far, I’ve gathered about 554 words and before the night is over it’ll at least have climbed a thousand more since I’m sort of stuck with these thoughts. It’ll be a romance novel with a twist when I’m done with it, partly because I no longer believe in happy endings. So, I’m better off saying Dark Romance. Maybe Dark Supernatural Romance.
I don’t know, I’m still working out the kinks. One thing I do know though, I have to bury the feelings before they bury me and immersing myself in my writing is just the way to do it.