It’s interesting how a text message could make you feel.

Words being said without actually being said.

It’s also quite difficult to read emotions. Aside from the obvious: ALL CAPS CONVERSATIONS.

With those you have an inkling that the person on the other end is upset.

So begins my venting. The conversation (if you could call it that):

Me: “Longest 30 minutes of my life.”

Recipient: “I called you, now I’m busy so ttyl.”

What messed me up about the response was perhaps the order of words. My mind read sort of an attitude in telling me that since they called me and I didn’t answer, I was no longer worth anymore time.

Call me a female and correct me if I’m wrong.

“Now I’m busy.”

It wouldn’t have sounded so bad if it was: “I’m busy now.”

I could have understood that. I’d have merely shrugged and went on with my day. But the misplacement of the ‘now’ made me sit back and think about it. Perhaps over-think (I have a tendency to do it), so much so that I became angry.

Without clarity, something like this could ruin a friendship. And seeing that the recipient is so ‘busy’ it only makes me think deeper into why they’d tell me something like that.

Granted, I do have quite a bit of a record with not replying to text messages or returning calls promptly. It’s something I’m truly working on. Everyone has told me I have a problem, I just can’t seem to stay on top of it all.

This past weekend was the most stressful I’ve experienced in a while. Almost enough to provoke tears.

A real friend would know that.

A real friend would realize that after four days of not hearing from me it may be time to call and check to see if I still have a pulse. Not wait to catch my segment on the 9 o’clock news.

The funny thing is; my real friends did know.

I’m tired of being such an irrelevant factor in people’s lives that they feel they can just treat or talk to me any kind of way.

I talk a lot but only to cover up the words that I don’t say. Constantly grabbing for words to fill the silence so I don’t slip up and say what’s really on my mind.

There’s sooooo much on my mind.

Maybe it’s just time to let sleeping dogs lie.